Encountering Jesus at a Deli

I'm pretty selfish. This is especially true when I'm feeling 'down'...which is another way of characterizing 'self-pity'. When I'm down, I get grumpy about everything and I am so unloving. I was acting this way last Sunday. I dropped Saharh off for MSO rehearsal and I went to Jason's Deli. On the way, I was grumbling to God. I was complaining about how hard it is to believe in Him. Even worse, it was more difficult for me to feel like believing in Him. I wanted Him to go out of His way to make me feel better so that I could 'feel' happy again. I'm not saying God doesn't give us joy, but my motivation for it was entirely out of self-pity.

I ordered half-sandwich / half-soup deal. Seafood gumbo (mmmmmm gumbo) and a New York Yankee. Don't let the name fool you, it's a great sandwich. Anyway, I proceeded down the line and waited behind sweet looking elderly couple. Now this deli has a unique ordering process. I gave my order to someone I can only define as a 'ticket-writer'. I'll call him Ticket Jimmy for fun. Ticket Jimmy wrote my order on a piece of two-sheet, carbon paper. He gave me the yellow copy and sent the white copy down 'the line'. The elderly couple had bypassed this process though, and they told Cashier Susie (didn't catch her real name either) their order directly. The wanted a bowl of chicken-noodle, and a bowl of broccoli-cheddar. Cashier Susie called out the imprompt order to Soup-Master Kevin and Soup-Master Kevin promptly got their order ready.

Now apparently Soup-Master Kevin was working on my order because he made a bowl of seafood gumbo and a bowl of chicken-noodle. The elderly man noticed something wasn't quite right but he didn't know how to say it. I introduced myself into the equation (we'll call myself Selfish Josh for now) and clarified the mix up for the Soup-Master. Kevin promptly fixed the elderly couple's order and then handed me the bowl of seafood gumbo. He then told me to go fix my drink, and my sandwich would be ready in about four minutes. He literally said four minutes. Who says 'four minutes'? We usually say 'five minutes' or a 'few minutes', but not Soup-Master Kevin. He wouldn't be the Soup-Master if he did. I'm thinking to myself, this guy is awesome.

Anyway, I go back to the counter around four-minutes later and Organizational Ralph is putting my order together. I see a tray with a 'cup' of seafood gumbo and then a sandwich next to that one that looks a lot like a New York Yankee. Uh oh. Soup-Master Kevin had given me too much soup. I told Ralph and Ralph said, 'Don't worry about it, enjoy the bowl.' I relunctantly say ok, though I had already gotten my wallet half-way out to pay for the excess.

I sit down to read while I'm eating and the author tells me that life is not about me. It is not a play where I am the lead actor, and everything around me supports my story. I am a part of the story of God's glory and am only a part, not the center-piece. Life is not about me, it's about Jesus. Hearing this snapped me out of my selfish attitude. There was so much wisdom in this guy's story that I knew the Lord was speaking to my heart and correcting me in the way that only He can do.

So, after snapping out of my mood, I realized that I didn't want to take advantage of the soup miscommunication. I went back to Cashier Susie and informed her that I wanted to pay the difference. Susie called Super-Cool Ray over and informed him of the situation. Ray looked at me and said that he appreciated the thought, but he wanted me to have the extra soup at no extra cost. He said that something just got mixed up and that it was ok. I told him I was very willing to pay the extra cost. He interrupted me and said, "Did you enjoy it?" I quickly and truthfully told him 'yes' (the soup was awesome). He smiled and said,"That's all that matters to me."

That encounter with Ray was an encounter with Jesus. Ray demonstrated the love of Jesus to me. Ray gave me something I didn't deserve and told me to enjoy it rather than try to earn it. Jesus paid something that we couldn't pay back even if we wanted. He doesn't ask us to spend the rest of our lives to pay the difference, He invites us to enjoy Him forever. God truly is an awesome God.

I'm Starting to See This More and More...

I write this as a confession about myself. I was listening to a radio show that is hosted by a couple of guys that are followers of Jesus. A lot of times these guys tell funny stories about growing up or family life. They also do creative funny things like have racing championships with lawnmowers. Occassionally, however, these guys will get into politics or pop culture news events and that's when an interesting thing reveals itself to me. I have been just too judgemental.

When I start blasting the 'far left' for their opinions I can end up sounding just like they sound to me. I'm starting to see that mixing politics with my spirtual lifestyle is a very dangerous thing. Jesus didn't seem to get very involved in political things. I don't think he sat at the supper table talking about some new hedonistic law passed by the Roman legislation. It was probably the Pharisees who sat around the table saying, "You know they just legalized gay marriage over in Rome? What a downtrodden people they are." It is one thing to share with someone why I believe what I believe, while casting my vote in humility. It is another thing to do it with such an arrogant attitude. I'm not advocating that I let legislations go unchallenged, but I think Christians should be very careful of this area and approach it with great humility. When I spend more time complaining and forecasting doom on our current legislature, I ignore the genuine needs that people have. People need food, mom's need clothes for their kids, jobless people need shelter and hope, but mostly people need the love of Jesus. There isn't enough time in my day to judge others and follow Jesus. It has to be one or the other.

Or how about when some celebrity gets into another nasty divorce or drug problem, I look down my nose and write them off as if they weren't a person like me. I'm so comfortable casting my opinions of people in the popular culture because...well I don't know why. Is it because they have more money than me, and since they do, they should automagically have some kind of behavior modification? Is money really that powerful? Does a rich person throw themselves into some Biblical justification for self-righteous comments from the church, just because they're wealthy? Or just because they're enjoying a type of lifestyle that I'm supposed to obstain from? Am I jealous? I act as if they shouldn't have feelings and that they don't need love because they have the popularity and the finances to make up for whatever's lacking. I sit there and tell them money will never be enough, but I judge them as if I believed it should be enough.

I make comments about the people around me, the clothes they wear, and the personal problems that may have been revealed about them. I'm not a very trustworthy person to be honest. I ramble on and on about people and frankly I'm just tired of myself. I'm not sure what purpose it is supposed to fit when I talk so judgementally and negative about people, but I have to confess that I do. I say all of this to say...that I repent. Lord Jesus show me how to follow you, and love like you do. I don't want to dishonor you anymore with this judgemental attitude. I confess it to you and ask for you to change my heart and rescue me from my own foolishness.