Today is the day after Christmas day, but it had all the characteristics of it's predecessor. We exchanged gifts with Saharh's parents and Suphia, her younger sister. We cooked a big Christmas dinner in which I also experimented with Ranch dressing and Dale's combinations. I'd heard of others that had tried this combination and it had paid off for them. The flavorful duo paid off for my three-piece chicken-leg trial as well. I'm excited to make more of them for another occasion.
However, those things aren't the only signs of hope I've seen for a redeemed Christmas holiday. Saharh and I have grown closer in the few hours since a fairly painful Christmas eve. Today was one just the second day since that conversation and even though I know everything isn't better, I know that God is working in me. I've made some changes in my life, mainly in the area of hobbies. Gaming, which has been a large part of my life since I was thirteen years old, is being put on the shelf. While it is true that the entertainment medium has been a challenege for Saharh and I, I've also felt an almost nagging pull away from the hobby. Perhaps it is the Lord trying to show me something better. Perhaps it is the fact that I simply don't have time to invest in simulated adventures the way I could when I was in school. Perhaps I've let it replace a depth that is missing in many of my relationships. Whatever the case, I'm sure that all of those things are a part of God's Sovereign will, and if that is so, then it must clearly be time to set "play time" aside.
I admit, it's a challenging adjustment. It is strange now to realize that everytime I found myself with $50 of extra cash, my first reaction would be to look at which games I could purchase. The impulses toward gaming that I'm seeing more frequently are a little alarming in their similarity to addictive impluses.
But as I was saying, these changes and what I can only describe as a working of the Holy Spirit, have made these last two days nothing short of wonderful. Wonderful isn't even the right word, really. There is a sense of life in the past couple of days. Almost a sense of freedom and release. For lack of a better way to put this state of mind, I would have to say that I feel content and lively. I know that these days do not mark a complete erasure of the damages that I've done. The consequences will, I expect, continue to reveal themself often in the future. When they do, I must be prepared...quickened to patience and gentleness when it comes to my responses to both God and my wife. Jesus, please grant me the grace. Thank You so much for the last two days. Thank You so much for the promise of Jeremiah 29. Thank You.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Brute Beast
Psalm 73:21-22
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
In this verse, David had been tempted to envy the propserity of the wicked. He even said that his efforts at living a holy life had felt pointless when he was embittered. It's strange to hear someone describe a longing or a desire that produces grieving, ignorance, and animalic behavior. Usually when I think of hoping or wishing for something, it is accompanied with excitement or joy. However, in David's case...as in my own...he was angry and full of self-pity.
It's easy to praise God and to speak fondly of Him when things seem to fall into place for me. I talk about His grace and His forgiveness...but now I see yet another glimpse of how much I desperately need a Savior. The more and more circumstances haven't gone my way, the more I've become like a brute beast before the Lord...and before my family...before my wife. I'm instinctively proned to quick fixes and doing just enough to stay out of trouble. This isn't the first time I've seen this in myself. I can't keep track of how many times anymore and I'm beginning to lose hope for myself.
My only hope is that David said his 'foot had almost slipped' and that the Lord was 'always with him'. Even though David almost slipped and gave himself over completely to his temptations, the Lord held him with His right hand. I'm putting my hope in that now.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
In this verse, David had been tempted to envy the propserity of the wicked. He even said that his efforts at living a holy life had felt pointless when he was embittered. It's strange to hear someone describe a longing or a desire that produces grieving, ignorance, and animalic behavior. Usually when I think of hoping or wishing for something, it is accompanied with excitement or joy. However, in David's case...as in my own...he was angry and full of self-pity.
It's easy to praise God and to speak fondly of Him when things seem to fall into place for me. I talk about His grace and His forgiveness...but now I see yet another glimpse of how much I desperately need a Savior. The more and more circumstances haven't gone my way, the more I've become like a brute beast before the Lord...and before my family...before my wife. I'm instinctively proned to quick fixes and doing just enough to stay out of trouble. This isn't the first time I've seen this in myself. I can't keep track of how many times anymore and I'm beginning to lose hope for myself.
My only hope is that David said his 'foot had almost slipped' and that the Lord was 'always with him'. Even though David almost slipped and gave himself over completely to his temptations, the Lord held him with His right hand. I'm putting my hope in that now.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Others
I think that God is making a point about prejudices today. While at work, a few of my teammates allowed some misgivings they had between each other to bear fruit of a less than healthy nature in front of our customers. The customer told me about this display and wanted to know what was so terrible that a question, which many of us could've answered in two minutes, had to erupt into a runaround of emails sending our customer to and fro throughout the members of our team. My first thought was to inform our manager that we have a problem within our team and that it has to do, mostly, with our obsession regarding what other team members are/are not doing. While speaking with other teammates about what I had determined to be a very drastic situation that needed to be addressed quickly...I realised just how much I was included in the problem. I was so pre-occupied with the actions of others, that I spent almost forty-five minutes talking about it, instead of doing my job.
While on the drive home, I started listening to the radio and heard some rowdy banter between a sports talk-show host and a local caller. After that conversation, I could only think about how much I disfavored the caller's attitude and what kind of stern lectures I could give him were I given the opportunity and were he silent enough to listen to it. Of course that would never happen and it all really didn't matter in any schemes of any significance. Once again, I was very much occupied with the actions, opinions, and prejudices of others. I was so pre-occupied I forgot a couple of the errands I needed to run while away from the house. Once again, my pre-occupation with the less attractive aspects of other people were given more priority than things that actually mattered!
When I arrived home, I realized how much I missed being with Jesus and how much I needed to hear his voice. The cares and concerns of so many insignificant matters occupied my mind from every front and I could not concentrate on things that were holy, pure, and good. I needed to see the Lord. While thinking about Jesus, it seemed obvious to note that he never seemed frantic about the actions of others. He knew they couldn't do anything without God's authority. He only did what He observed the Father doing. So the question could be asked,"What is God doing when He allows people to behave in ways that frustrate us?" Is God allowing those things so that we can become pre-occupied to the point of forgetting our responsibilities? Would God allow these circumstances to occur so as to misdirect me from things that I know He expects me to do? It is pretty clear that these distractions are not being allowed to occur so that I can dwell on what I feel is wrong with other people. To the contrary, it appears as though He's allowing these things to happen so that He can destroy my prejudices. I read Utmost today and the author states that obsession with the prejudices of others is a part of our old life. That is, our life prior to trusting Jesus and being born again. The new life should never be consumed with the prejudices of others and our energy should not be devoted to the being another's conscience, parent or boss. When we become focused on the prejudices of others, we develop prejudices of our own and Chambers stresses that God doesn't want the old life to remain in any of us. He's working to remove all fragments of the old man from all of us.
When we look at the things God has given us to do for the day, we can't spend that day wondering what He is going to do to correct the actions of other people or daydreaming about how we would correct them ourselves. Jesus told Peter, "What is to you? You follow me." As John Piper expresses, this is a blunt and liberating statement. Piper calls this obsession with others a depressing slavery that is ultimately fatal. Lord, I repent of my obsession with the actions and behaviors of others. I see that you are using those things to break me of this obsession and I'm asking for you to help me see when I'm slipping again into a mind trying to thrive off the cirumstances around me. I surrender. Thanks for being unchanging and so quick to bring Your word into my life. I love Your faithfulness and I trust You.
Joshua
While on the drive home, I started listening to the radio and heard some rowdy banter between a sports talk-show host and a local caller. After that conversation, I could only think about how much I disfavored the caller's attitude and what kind of stern lectures I could give him were I given the opportunity and were he silent enough to listen to it. Of course that would never happen and it all really didn't matter in any schemes of any significance. Once again, I was very much occupied with the actions, opinions, and prejudices of others. I was so pre-occupied I forgot a couple of the errands I needed to run while away from the house. Once again, my pre-occupation with the less attractive aspects of other people were given more priority than things that actually mattered!
When I arrived home, I realized how much I missed being with Jesus and how much I needed to hear his voice. The cares and concerns of so many insignificant matters occupied my mind from every front and I could not concentrate on things that were holy, pure, and good. I needed to see the Lord. While thinking about Jesus, it seemed obvious to note that he never seemed frantic about the actions of others. He knew they couldn't do anything without God's authority. He only did what He observed the Father doing. So the question could be asked,"What is God doing when He allows people to behave in ways that frustrate us?" Is God allowing those things so that we can become pre-occupied to the point of forgetting our responsibilities? Would God allow these circumstances to occur so as to misdirect me from things that I know He expects me to do? It is pretty clear that these distractions are not being allowed to occur so that I can dwell on what I feel is wrong with other people. To the contrary, it appears as though He's allowing these things to happen so that He can destroy my prejudices. I read Utmost today and the author states that obsession with the prejudices of others is a part of our old life. That is, our life prior to trusting Jesus and being born again. The new life should never be consumed with the prejudices of others and our energy should not be devoted to the being another's conscience, parent or boss. When we become focused on the prejudices of others, we develop prejudices of our own and Chambers stresses that God doesn't want the old life to remain in any of us. He's working to remove all fragments of the old man from all of us.
When we look at the things God has given us to do for the day, we can't spend that day wondering what He is going to do to correct the actions of other people or daydreaming about how we would correct them ourselves. Jesus told Peter, "What is to you? You follow me." As John Piper expresses, this is a blunt and liberating statement. Piper calls this obsession with others a depressing slavery that is ultimately fatal. Lord, I repent of my obsession with the actions and behaviors of others. I see that you are using those things to break me of this obsession and I'm asking for you to help me see when I'm slipping again into a mind trying to thrive off the cirumstances around me. I surrender. Thanks for being unchanging and so quick to bring Your word into my life. I love Your faithfulness and I trust You.
Joshua
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Like Hearing It Again...
I don't know where you are today, but I offer you this word. If you find yourself facing discouragement, consider your choices.
- Trust the world and act accordingly.
- Trust your flesh and act accordingly.
- Trust your mind and act accordingly.
or
- Trust God and act accordingly.
It's a battle we face, but thanks be to Jesus Christ our Lord. By grace, through faith, He has redeemed us and His grace is sufficient during this time of discouragement. Don't let the worries and cares of this world, choke that out of you.
JB
- Trust the world and act accordingly.
- Trust your flesh and act accordingly.
- Trust your mind and act accordingly.
or
- Trust God and act accordingly.
It's a battle we face, but thanks be to Jesus Christ our Lord. By grace, through faith, He has redeemed us and His grace is sufficient during this time of discouragement. Don't let the worries and cares of this world, choke that out of you.
JB
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