Today is the day after Christmas day, but it had all the characteristics of it's predecessor. We exchanged gifts with Saharh's parents and Suphia, her younger sister. We cooked a big Christmas dinner in which I also experimented with Ranch dressing and Dale's combinations. I'd heard of others that had tried this combination and it had paid off for them. The flavorful duo paid off for my three-piece chicken-leg trial as well. I'm excited to make more of them for another occasion.
However, those things aren't the only signs of hope I've seen for a redeemed Christmas holiday. Saharh and I have grown closer in the few hours since a fairly painful Christmas eve. Today was one just the second day since that conversation and even though I know everything isn't better, I know that God is working in me. I've made some changes in my life, mainly in the area of hobbies. Gaming, which has been a large part of my life since I was thirteen years old, is being put on the shelf. While it is true that the entertainment medium has been a challenege for Saharh and I, I've also felt an almost nagging pull away from the hobby. Perhaps it is the Lord trying to show me something better. Perhaps it is the fact that I simply don't have time to invest in simulated adventures the way I could when I was in school. Perhaps I've let it replace a depth that is missing in many of my relationships. Whatever the case, I'm sure that all of those things are a part of God's Sovereign will, and if that is so, then it must clearly be time to set "play time" aside.
I admit, it's a challenging adjustment. It is strange now to realize that everytime I found myself with $50 of extra cash, my first reaction would be to look at which games I could purchase. The impulses toward gaming that I'm seeing more frequently are a little alarming in their similarity to addictive impluses.
But as I was saying, these changes and what I can only describe as a working of the Holy Spirit, have made these last two days nothing short of wonderful. Wonderful isn't even the right word, really. There is a sense of life in the past couple of days. Almost a sense of freedom and release. For lack of a better way to put this state of mind, I would have to say that I feel content and lively. I know that these days do not mark a complete erasure of the damages that I've done. The consequences will, I expect, continue to reveal themself often in the future. When they do, I must be prepared...quickened to patience and gentleness when it comes to my responses to both God and my wife. Jesus, please grant me the grace. Thank You so much for the last two days. Thank You so much for the promise of Jeremiah 29. Thank You.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Brute Beast
Psalm 73:21-22
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
In this verse, David had been tempted to envy the propserity of the wicked. He even said that his efforts at living a holy life had felt pointless when he was embittered. It's strange to hear someone describe a longing or a desire that produces grieving, ignorance, and animalic behavior. Usually when I think of hoping or wishing for something, it is accompanied with excitement or joy. However, in David's case...as in my own...he was angry and full of self-pity.
It's easy to praise God and to speak fondly of Him when things seem to fall into place for me. I talk about His grace and His forgiveness...but now I see yet another glimpse of how much I desperately need a Savior. The more and more circumstances haven't gone my way, the more I've become like a brute beast before the Lord...and before my family...before my wife. I'm instinctively proned to quick fixes and doing just enough to stay out of trouble. This isn't the first time I've seen this in myself. I can't keep track of how many times anymore and I'm beginning to lose hope for myself.
My only hope is that David said his 'foot had almost slipped' and that the Lord was 'always with him'. Even though David almost slipped and gave himself over completely to his temptations, the Lord held him with His right hand. I'm putting my hope in that now.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
In this verse, David had been tempted to envy the propserity of the wicked. He even said that his efforts at living a holy life had felt pointless when he was embittered. It's strange to hear someone describe a longing or a desire that produces grieving, ignorance, and animalic behavior. Usually when I think of hoping or wishing for something, it is accompanied with excitement or joy. However, in David's case...as in my own...he was angry and full of self-pity.
It's easy to praise God and to speak fondly of Him when things seem to fall into place for me. I talk about His grace and His forgiveness...but now I see yet another glimpse of how much I desperately need a Savior. The more and more circumstances haven't gone my way, the more I've become like a brute beast before the Lord...and before my family...before my wife. I'm instinctively proned to quick fixes and doing just enough to stay out of trouble. This isn't the first time I've seen this in myself. I can't keep track of how many times anymore and I'm beginning to lose hope for myself.
My only hope is that David said his 'foot had almost slipped' and that the Lord was 'always with him'. Even though David almost slipped and gave himself over completely to his temptations, the Lord held him with His right hand. I'm putting my hope in that now.
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