Surreal

So at Blue Cross we've been working on a single project for the last six months. We're coming to the final weekends and it seems as though I should have my nose to the grindstone. I feel as though I should be plowing away at each task on our checklist...and the ones that aren't on the checklist. However, today feels as though the project was already over and we're winding down. But I know better. I know we're not finished and that the real work has only just begun. I guess there are some parallels with the rest of life in this moment.

Sometimes when a really difficult series of events comes over me, I brace myself, pray and become very disciplined. I am charged and adamant in these moments, allowing very little to get in my way. At some point, this charge and adrenaline rush dwindles and it is usually about the same time there is a lull in the feelings of the trial. Though the trial has not passed, and the goal has not been reached, there is just enough feeling of accomplishment in these moments to give one a false sense of security. As soon as I close my eyes and allow myself to be coerced into the draw of these feelings, days have gone by and I wake up seeing the finish line is not behind me, but in front. This almost unexpected realization is accompanied by many others and I realize that the task was not yet done. I guess this is why Paul emphasized forgetting what is behind and pressing on.

I know that today and tomorrow are those days. They have good qualities because they provide rest, but the rest can't be abused. I know that tomorrow I must press on.

Lord have mercy on us for how much we don't understand. When everything is dwindled down to the roots, I still have much to learn. I agree with David when he asked why You bother to even to think of us. I see that it means You love us very much. More than we have ever known or seen of love before. I will not forget.